You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Welp...herpes.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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