My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
