In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
