if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
