This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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