Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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