Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
