Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I could fuck to npr.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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