Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
