I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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