Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
