I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
