He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
