I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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