You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
