Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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