I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
