So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize