I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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