I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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