Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize