The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
