ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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