So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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