I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
