The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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