you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
vagina is talking i cant
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We smell like vodka and hangover
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