My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
