Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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