i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
