U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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