We're like a lot better than the average bears
how can u be prego again
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
