good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There's always time for handjobs
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
