Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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