Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
