Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
