I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
50% drunk capacity currently
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
