you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
