we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
