do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
