What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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