if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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