I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
