after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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