At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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