i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found puke in my bra..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
