I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
