U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
