Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
