You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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