you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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