I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
