you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
