walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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