I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
