the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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