Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
