I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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