Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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