i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She told me I should be a condom model.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize