If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
