he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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