Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
