Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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