Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
