just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
