who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
