I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pappa wants mamma naked
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
