I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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