I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
how drunk are you?
Several
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
