he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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